i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
