I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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