new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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