also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
