Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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