remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
