this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
