Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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