jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
