I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
