Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
