I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
