It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
