I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we're making bets on your personal life
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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