i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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