I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
