Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
