That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
