Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
