Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so let's talk penis.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
