I need to stop coming to work sober
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
