at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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