We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
