i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
