the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
