That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
