I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
