my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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