i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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