ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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