I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
