TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
