Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I cut my penus on the lid.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
