I just cut my nipple shaving
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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