Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
