Ambien. No doubt about it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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