if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
