whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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