one might say we're banned from that church
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need to align my fucking chakras
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
