.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
