I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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