Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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