all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
