Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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