I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
