Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We are all done wearing pants today
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
