awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
