I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
