I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
