Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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