His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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