I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
