Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
