I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
